Soon, all your neighbors will be gay, married couples. You’ll attempt to spark a conversation with them about rifles, but they’ll only tell you everything they know about ultra suede and The View. They’ll adopt gay dogs and cats who will convince your children to be gay, eventually leading them toward an inevitable downward spiral of drugs and orgies. You’ll die of a broken heart and be condemned to H E double hockey sticks for disowning and calling your own son a “queer.” Meanwhile, your son becomes the first gay president of the USA (after Jimmy Carter) with a drag queen first lady. I can’t wait.